As I drove home I felt so devastated. Sh*t happens and mistakes get made. But I feel like I have so much crammed into my life that I don't have time for mistakes. I don't have time for a 2 hour round trip mistaken car ride. So when things like this happen my brain shuts down, the tears start flowing, and I lose all ability to focus and figure out how to salvage the day.
When I took on triathlon training, Hubby and I talked extensively about how to prioritize the family activities. Often I get asked "How do you do it all?" And when I stop and think about it I have to laugh because I don't feel like I am doing it all. I feel like the whole family rushes from one event to the next all the while feeling like every available finger is in a hole in the dam and we are one mis-schedule away from getting flooded. One day last week I came home from work, immediately worked out, took Lil Buddy to swimming lessons, and then one of the big kids to an activity (I can't even remember what it was). The next day I biked before work, came home from work to run, then dropped one kid at karate and the other at baseball. Meanwhile, at home, Hubby is not taking classes this summer so he's on full time house duty - laundry, grocery shopping, dinner making, Lil Buddy supervision, etc.
We sort of review each week in advance generally, but then the night before and throughout each day we review the next day's plan, in detail, to make sure everything is covered. We probably review each day at least twice. It's kind of insane. But it's the only way to make sure nothing gets missed. Everyone gets their desired activity accomplished and everyone gets food and a bath. Anything over and above that is bonus. Hubby's football season starts in a few weeks. My training will drop back some and scheduling will get even more micromanaged. It's how we roll. But making it look like it works seamlessly is a master illusion. It's anything but seamless. Its chaotic and exhausting. I told a friend the other day I feel like I live in a washing machine. I don't try to hide the ugly, I just don't want to dwell on it so I don't advertise it.
We could make our lives simpler. We could take on less. But who gives up what? And would that cause resent and regret? Until we can figure that out, we plod on. In excruciating hour by hour detail.
As for today's mess up? After I sobbed half the way home, I was able to figure out how to shuffle things around a bit. Put my bike on the trainer and got in a light ride after all. Made sure I had time for the group ride tomorrow and scratched tentative plans for a open water swim clinic being taught in the morning. It isn't perfect, but it gets the job done.